"My heart is no home for cowards." I read this somewhere and it has always stuck.
Rejection and heartache are two debilitating feelings and no one wants to feel either of the two. We have all felt both, and because of the pain involved, our walls go up, and It fucking hurts. We train ourselves to refrain from life, little by little, just to avoid the pain again, or, until we have healed our wounds.
How do we know our wounds are healed?
Some people would say you’re healed when the pain stops. But that’s not entirely accurate. If you can recall experiences without having a negative emotional attachment, or reaction, without triggers relating to the experience, person or people involved, only then, I would say, have you healed.
It takes tremendous courage to heal our own wounds.
Most people escape by distracting themselves and move on when they have escaped deep enough to run away from the pain.
In order to discover our true authentic self, we must break free from the negative cycles. Our minds can not do this, but it convinces us otherwise, keeping us on a rollercoaster ride from hell, again.
Taking time out to care for ourselves, learning how to love who we are inside and out, and understanding what fuel our body and mind needs to function properly, is the most amazing commitment and gift we can give to ourselves.
Emotional growth can only happen if we are honest with ourselves, and that means changing our perception and breaking free from our comfort zones. I call working on ourselves, our personal projects.
It’s hard to believe at the time of sorrow that the universe is redirecting us somewhere better, but it is. If we don’t learn from the pain, the cycle will repeat.
This is the universe guiding us. Life is about cycles.
If there is a wound that is still sensitive to you and you enter a relationship without tending to its pain, your relationship wasn’t honest from the start. You will most likely hold your partner responsible somehow to take care of your open wounds, or, discard your partner because the band-aid fell off and their comfort and love isn't enough anymore.
How many of us felt someone left us with no regard to our hearts and feelings? How many people recall the pain of that person leaving and remember feeling rejected because the love you provided was suddenly no longer valid?
What expectation of them did you have? True or false, looking back, do you think you were a temporary band-aid to comfort their emotional needs?
It’s not fair in any relationship that someone doesn’t deal with their shit. It’s important we dissect our expectations and needs to understand why we want to be in a relationship in the first place.
If you’re insecure, it’s not fair to put pressure on your loved one to make you feel better about yourself, that’s your job. Perhaps you pressure your love one about money, change, or material things. Where’s the balance and where’s that need coming from? If you find yourself lonely and bored in a relationship and are unsatisfied in the sack, how much of that negativity is affecting the relationship? What’s preventing you from change? And what are you doing that’s positive for the relationship besides nagging?
If we sit still long enough, we'll know the answers.
We don't like to sound selfish, it's easier to reinvent a new way to express what we need to get what we want. It’s called manipulation. And how many people create their own stories to manipulate their own truths to comfort their own thoughts? This is not love. This is toxic. This is a cycle.
Love does not come with conditions. Love is everywhere, all the time. Love has no negative attachments, and love is not a possession. Anything negative outside of love is your shit.
Deal with your shit.
We expect more from others only because we are willing to do more for them.
We can’t expect the same in return. No one enters a relationship wanting to be an emotional punching bag. We enter relationships hoping to share special moments with someone we connect with.
The love we feel from someone can and only will be temporary.
If you truly loved yourself, you would not need to look for love elsewhere. You would understand that love is everywhere. You would wake in love, walk in love, talk in love and be able to see love in everything. Love is not something you hunt down or seek.
Love is not a relationship. Love is not something we need from someone else. Love is inside you.
You can not find exactly what it is you are looking for in someone, they will never meet all your needs or expectations, and if they did, it will only be temporary.
We create illusions to force solutions to comfort our emotional-self. How many have asked themselves, “Why didn’t I see that coming?”
Our needs were never their responsibility in the first place.
Its common for people to base relationships off need. People like to feel needed, and to some, this is the only way they know how to interpret how much you love them.
Understanding reasons for wanting to be needed is crucial, and it is the #1 most destructive issue in relationships.
It is important to dig deep and get honest with ourselves. Ask yourself questions about the need for acceptance and love. Spend time in solitude. What is the fear of being alone? What is it about rejection that hurts? What is preventing you from leaving the relationship you dread going home to every night? Why do you play the victim? Why do you need validation?
Then dig deeper. Below the surface. What personality traits do your lovers share with your parents? Why are you attracted to this type? Keep going! This is what self-discovery is, this is you working on your personal project.
Peace is waiting for you. If only we all worked on our personal projects. What a beautiful world this would be! To think you won’t have to feel those feelings ever again!
Your heart is no home for cowards.
Your heart is only a home for those that walk in love and are opened and willing to work on their project too.